The HAT Trick ! GVD 2009

Taking the Next Step !

Towards Self Realization !

The Wind beneath my Wings !

Far away in midst of the clouds,
I see you holding me close.
You are my bank of happiness,
And for me, you're always on your toes.

Hand in hand we walk together,
God's grace warms us from above.
It's him I thank each day I wake,
for blessing me with all your love.

The sunshine in my morning,
And the bird that sings my song.
Troubles come by and pass by,
And its you who keeps me Strong.

The wind beneath my wings,
as I take myself on first flight.
You are the star that brighten up my sky,
in the darkness of the night.

You gotta be the mother of my children,
And the air that gives me life.
My truest friend of all,
My Heart, My Soul, My Wife.

Yours - Kavi Chidumal

Small things in life!!

This is the first blog I am pasting from somewhere, since I liked it a lot. Just go through it and see how we miss small things in life, which are easier done than said!

So I decided that I'd ask her to marry me.
Or ask her if she would marry me.
Or say that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
Or tell her I loved her, and that I wanted her to be with me forever.
Or give her a ring -- a big, huge diamond ring.
Or just get down on my knees and let my eyes say it all.
Well, I had reached a decision. What exactly I was going to do about it, I didn't know -- at least not yet.

It was exactly one year since the first time we had met -- an anniversary of sorts. I remembered, because the first time we'd met had been at a friend's Christmas Eve party.

And it was Christmas Eve again.
And we had become close friends.
And I had fallen in love.

And since I was a simple-minded sort of guy, I decided I wanted to marry her.

How to tell her, though, was a bit of a problem. There were so many ways to do it and choosing the right one wasn't easy. And I had no idea how she'd react.

Would she think I was moving too fast?
Was it too early to suggest marriage?
Was she even interested in me in that way?

Surely, the best way to find out was to tell her how I felt, and ask her if she felt the same. And if she did, then we could get married. Right?

These thoughts had been in my head from the moment I had woken up that morning. And I'd only been awake a few minutes. As I finished brushing my teeth, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi!" It was her.

The sound of her cheery voice took my breath away. "Hi!" I replied, almost whispering.

"Listen," she said, sounding very excited. "I'm having a party at home tonight. Be there at eight."

"Sure," I replied.

"Ok, bye!" And she put the phone down.

I stood there for almost a minute, staring at the phone in my hand.

And then I stupidly said "Bye" to it.

I would have to reach the party early, to tell her in private.
Or should I say it right there in front of all the guests?
Or after the party, when we were cleaning up after everyone was gone?

And what was I going to get her? Should I get her anything at all?
How about flowers?
Roses? Or was that too clichéd?
Orchids sounded better.
Or bluebells.
Or tulips.
Or cauliflower.

I checked my thoughts. No. Not cauliflower.

It was Christmas. A gift was definitely in order. I could get her that moonstone pendant she liked so much. But then it was a little flimsy as a gift. It was really a toy more than a piece of jewelry. But did it matter if she really liked it?

Should I get her a book instead?
Or a CD?
Or an earring?
Or should I make her something? I thought about my artistic skills and decided that that was probably not a good idea.

I spent so much time looking for a suitable gift all day that by the time I decided that flowers would be a better option, all the florists had closed.

And it was also too late to try to get to her house early and catch her alone.

So I decided I'd tell her after the party when everyone was gone. And that I wouldn't get her anything -- more because I couldn't, than anything else.

Feeling like a fool, and extremely nervous, I reached her doorstep. I was on time, but there didn't seem to be any noise coming from inside. Maybe no one had turned up yet. After all, who came to a party on time?

I stood there and composed myself for a minute. Then, reasonably confident that the turmoil I was going through wouldn't show, I knocked.

She opened the door, but only a fraction. She slid out without opening the door completely, handed me a piece of cloth, and told me to tie it around my eyes. "We're playing Blind Man's Buff," she said.

Meekly, I put the blindfold on, and she led me into the house. There was silence, and no one was making a sound. Quite sneaky of everyone, I thought to myself.

She spun me around a little, and then made me stop. She backed away, and then said from somewhere behind me, "Ok, you can take it off now."

Though a little confused as to what version of Blind Man's Buff was played after taking the blindfold off, I complied.

And as soon as I opened my eyes, I froze.

I was standing in the middle of her empty living room, and the lights had all been turned off. But the room was brightly lit with dozens of candles.

And on the wall in front of me, was a big poster with the following words on it:

One year ago, this day we met.

There was an arrow pointing to the right, beside the poster.

So I turned. On the next wall were the words:

One year of friendship
One year of joy
One year of laughter
between a girl and a boy

One year of comfort
One year of closeness
One year of peace
and a whole lot of happiness

On the third wall, was:

One year or Six,
a lifetime it seems,
And yet, it feels just like yesterday

I turned to look at the fourth wall, and there, standing in front of it, was she, holding up a poster in her hands that said:

I want to be this happy forever

Will You Marry Me?

"So there's no party?" I asked, stupidly.

She just shook her head, grinning.

I smiled. Now why didn't I think of that?

The Inner Voice!

On a rather unusual morning, I woke up to find the weather really foggy. I could hardly see anything. The fog seemed to penetrate into my sleepy eyes and I couldn’t see my hands even when they were close to my face.

I had a strange feeling. It was bright white everywhere and I wondered how it could be so foggy. Somehow, I managed to get off my bed and reach the washbasin, because it had been years of practice, moving from the bed to the washbasin, with closed sleepy eyes.

After thoroughly washing my eyes, I tried to see myself in the mirror. Gosh! It was still so foggy. I slowly started to get tense. I moved hastily towards the door just escaping the stumbling and saved myself of a dreadful accident. I took a deep breath, and called aloud, “Ma!” No response! I got a sudden sense of FEAR, something was wrong!

It took me few minutes to realize, sitting on the cool floor, that it was my eyes. I couldn’t see anything. But I didn’t suspect anything wrong, because, it was not dark. It was bright. I thought, it must be some temporary problem because of sleeping late.

I managed to hold one of the walls and found my way out of the room, which seemed endless. I kept shouting “Ma”, still no response.

I finally felt myself approaching the hall, still not able to see anything. I got really terrified. I started shouting and crying, and fell to the floor, exhausted.

I didn’t want to believe, I was not able to see anything. Grief Stricken, I passed what seemed like the whole day to wait for the night. There was no night. I could see only white. I finally, thought, I had turned blind or something and cursed GOD for doing this to me, all of a sudden, without any warnings!

I still was very perplexed and didn’t have energy to find out what was going on. I kept moving around the house, and finally, got over to the phone. With lot of difficulty, I could manage to dial the number.

“Hello”, I said. “Yes”, an unfamiliar voice said. I asked, “Can I talk to Guddi?” “No Guddi out here”, came the reply to irritate me all the more. I confirmed the number, which turned out to be wrong. Anyways, I was hopeful. I tried again. “Hello”, I recognized the voice immediately. “Guddi, Can you come over immediately to my house?” I asked. “Its 2 am at night!” she exclaimed. I started crying and told her what was happening to me.

She got worried. She suggested me to call my mom, but then I told her that I have been shouting on top of my voice and no one is there to hear me. She told me to wait, while she would come to my house. I was a bit relaxed.

After a wait of what seemed like a century, she finally came. I was so relieved to hear her uttering my name. I waited for her to come shouting to indicate where I was. She came and held my hand and comforted me. I was crying continuously. She kept asking me if I couldn’t see anything. I kept replying her with the same yes. I don’t even remember when I fell asleep again.

As soon as it was what she called morning, she hurried me to the Doctor. I was very fearful and had no courage to open my eyes. I thought I would get the shock of my life, if I couldn’t see. Once we reached the hospital, the Doctor, examined my eyes. I felt his hands trying to stretch my eyelids. I resisted, but he pulled hard, and I couldn’t see at all, the same white view.

He told me to lie down and dropped some lotion into my eyes, I could just feel it. It started burning. I just couldn’t resist it. He told, its good if it’s burning. It means, the nerves are active and probably, I have not lost my sight. His words were relieving, if not soothing. But I somehow didn’t feel like trusting him much, because doctors are always like that. They will not tell the patients about the problem. He called Guddi into his chamber and I started getting all sorts of wild ideas. I thought he must be telling her that I have lost, my sight forever, and I am not supposed to know about it, otherwise I’ll be heart broken. Also, that it can be cured by an operation. And my thoughts started wandering into the depths of the mind.

When Guddi came back, I asked her to tell me truly what the Doctor had said. She laughed and told me that he had said, that its one kind of infection, which happens, if there is excess stress on eyes and I would recover within 2-3 days. I was sure she was lying to me. In an argument, I said, how could it be that a person loses his sight and gains it back after 2-3 days? She said it’s true. I still dint believe her and knew she was just doing what the doctor had said. But she kept insisting she was telling me the truth.

Anyways, now, I had started feeling even worse. The white view was slowly getting dark. I thought that that’s the way blindness starts and remains forever. I cried a lot and then slept again.

When I woke up next, she was there brushing my hair. I asked her where is mom. She told me that my neighbor Mr. Prasad told her to remind me that mom had been to Bhubaneswar for 1 week. I suddenly remembered. How could I forget that? How could I be such dumb?

Anyways, I was sure, everyone was lying to me. And Mom had to leave me in such a state to go to Bhubaneswar. In fact, it was not her fault. It had happened after she had gone.

I started missing my life. I was useless, I was so disgusted, I wanted to end my life. I started thinking how would be blind people living in the world. I cursed GOD for making people blind.

I suddenly wanted to do everything, which I had never done or which I kept promising myself that I would be doing. I wanted to get up early in morning, to feel the freshness, and to see the beautiful morning. I wanted to learn Guitar, drums. I wanted to go to office and correct all my mistakes. I wanted to make a lot of friends. I wanted to own a Car and drive it down the countryside with Guddi. I wanted to make a beautiful home for us and have my baby playing with me. I wanted to see the smile on mom’s face. I wanted to play Tennis and swim in the sea. I wanted to take Guddi to a candle light dinner and cherish, the togetherness, share the champagne glass and celebrate the moon lit night. I wanted to give lot of time to my secret research. I wanted to spend time with my family members and see the smiles on their faces. I wanted to end my problems with all my foes. I wanted to go to GOA and Kerala and the Andamans. I wanted to spend all my money in buying all that I longed for. I wanted to fulfill all my desires and be happy. I wanted to do everything that I had been postponing for some time now.

But the pity was that when I wanted to do all this, I was driven into the world of darkness and emptiness by my fate. I was really sorry, for myself and to all people whom I had hurt and not cared about. I was really boggled and my head was vibrating with these thoughts, when a voice said “Worried, Irritated, Angry?” I said yes immediately, later thinking who spoke? I asked, “Who are you?” “Your Inner Voice”, was the reply. I was spellbound, at what was happening to me. I was hallucinating. But then it spoke again. After careful analysis, I felt I was hearing my own voice.

It said, “I know what you long for. And I know your secret desires. And I know you are hurt, because, you feel you will never be able to accomplish them now”. I nodded in submission. “I have the solution!” it said. “But you will have to promise me to do what all I say.” I was surprised. “Promise me!” it demanded. I nodded yes.

“Try to listen to your Inner Voice, it will give you answers to all questions. All people in the world, who are blind, just follow their inner voice.” I was about to say, “I am not….” when I stopped.

“Promise yourself, that you would do whatever you want to do and try your best to do it as soon as possible. You would not be a mere office goer and not have your own life too. Promise you will, care about the people around you, not hide your desires, for collecting money, which you would not be able to use, if you go Blind again!”. I was shocked. Again? That means there was a possibility I would recover. “Yes, you would get well. But first promise.” I nodded in complete agreement. The only important thing was getting back my sight. Any other thing was irrelevant.

“Fine you will be well, but remember! Keep your words, lest you should get blind permanently”. And there was great silence.

“Crap! Bullshit!” I thought. And cursed GOD again, for all that was happening to me. Sometimes, it gave me a feeling of Life after Death and I thought I would see some ghosts sometime. Meanwhile, what my eyes could see was only black now; the white view had gradually given way to complete darkness, confirming me of my blindness.
I told Guddi about my strange interceptions. She laughed and then got serious. She said, in a manner that scared me to hell, that what happened is the truth and I’ll get back my sight, if I promise. I got furious over her and told her to leave me alone. Heavy at heart and much pained, I tried to close my eyes and sleep. But the moment I closed my eyes, I was scared, I saw strange shadows and faces and heard weird sounds, telling me to promise. I closed my ears, and tried not to think about those things. Once again, I was asleep, and I never knew.

I woke up with a start when my loud alarm went off at 6 in the morning. I hit it hard with my fingers to stop it, and went back into the slumber. Suddenly, I remembered the Inner Voice in my sleep and woke up. I opened my eyes.

It was a pleasant morning outside. I could see everything. I was shocked yet again. I got out of bed and tried pinching myself to confirm it was not a dream. It was not. I could see. I could really see. Hurray! I was so happy. I jumped around and played. I went down to see mom doing what she did everyday and had got tired of telling me to do it. “YOGA”.

My inner voice told me to go and join her. Without a word, I went and washed my face and then joined mom in her exercise. Then I remembered, Mom had been to Bhubaneswar. I laughed at myself, and thought, what happened was indeed a dream. Mom was surprised and asked me what was up? I just smiled.

I got ready to go to Office, Everything was normal in Office except that I made two new friends in Office and went with Team for Lunch. I left early and went to the gym, found out about guitar classes, swimming facilities and enrolled. I talked to Guddi and told her to meet for dinner. We went for a cool dinner after long. She was very happy, and asked me what was special (because for me it was only on some occasion that this happened). I just smiled.

That day onwards, my life changed. And now I have known, there is a human inside us, who needs to live and enjoy and do so many other things, which we don’t allow it to do, by keeping ourselves busy in our work and the run for Money.

I am often reminded of the ghostly inner voice, whenever I am trying to compromise on something for my work and Run for money. It says, “Work and Money are not everything. There are other things in life to look into.” And then I promise myself; I am not going to be BLIND again. I take my steps forward towards a sense of self-accomplishment.

Today, I am learning Guitar and drums; I have realized few beautiful times with GUDDI, I am planning to go to GOA and Kerala. I get up early and go for early morning jog and enjoy the beauty of nature and use my money to provide me with means to fulfill my desires.

I have promised not to be BLIND again. What about YOU?

Train Train

“Thanks a lot to the increasing number of passengers, that the Trains between Mysore and Bangalore still are a first choice for most of the people, in spite of the single track. This is what precisely takes, the train 3 hrs or more to finish a journey of 139 kms, which is a devastating slow in today’s world. The journey can easily be taken up in 2 hrs. At least this is what I believe. Yes, there are trains like the Tipu Express and the JanShatabdi, but the timings of those trains are not in terms with the requirements of Office goers and the like who travel on Official Purpose.

I travel every weekend to Bangalore and feel, the journey from Mysore to Bangalore is always fresher than the one back.
But in spite of the time factor constraint, I prefer Trains for reasons more than one. First is there is lot of space to relax and move around, something, which road transport will never be able to provide, unless at a very luxurious price. Then there is this availability of light after dusk, so that people who prefer reading can at least keep doing so. Of course, there is the mighty Volvo for this need, but, then it seldom relates to the Common Man. Then of course, there is the washroom, for delight when nature gives it’s way . The Train journey is also cheaper than the bus journey at any time.

There is lot of hustling and bustling in the Station, once there is a Train ready for departure to Bangalore. I always, have something like the “Bisi Bisi Masale Dose” as a mandatory ritual, because, the catering service of the local vendors, has just two things to offer. The “Bisi Bisi Maddur Vade” or the famous “Churmure”. So, if you are unlucky to board the Train, while still hungry, it is going to be a terrible experience, with you, gazing at the “Maddur Vade” laughing away at you. Of course, it s a delicacy in this part of the country and true, people like it a lot.

Other than this, we can actually, see a lot of local passengers who are either coming back from work, usually in evenings, or they are going to nearby locations for some work. Life glues itself as a part of the whole scene. I believe, if you want to see all aspects, of life, travel in train and that too in the general compartments, where life is teeming with activity and shows all its colors of joy and sadness. There are a lot of small children to be seen, copying away the tea vendors with the rhythmic “Tea-Choi” stuff.

We can see an Old Executive, lost in “The Week”, Grandmas sleeping away, youngsters in groups buzzing away, Mothers wooing their small children and young males from all categories from Monsters to the Meek. And there are people like me, jumbled and puzzled in the Tug-Of-War, one half wanting to interact with life and the other half trying to pull away into it’s personal world because of “INHIBITIONS” laid forward by the reservations in our society. But I try and overcome the INHIBITIONS and interact with life and get the feel of the world around me, meet its different kinds in form of people and then network my way into the world of Busy schedules and self attributed people, just to find the right people sometimes and get the kind of satisfaction which brings in “Inner Light”.

The Stations on the way are usually dark with less activity and lesser people. The park just before the Mandya Station, the sight of the Bangalore-Mysore Expressway (so it is called), and the focus light and big tower of the “Wonder La”, are few things which we can see. From Kengeri onwards, from where the Bangalore Station is just 10 kms, the Trains really slogs and take about 30-45 mins to make it to the Station, with a speed that makes me feel that the Train is a refugee in the “Thar Desert” and out of Water and completely broken, in a state of complete exertion.

Anyways, with all this, the journey comes to an end by the approaching signal to Bangalore and I come down, forgetting the LIFE which I dealt with for the last 3 (sometimes 4) hours and mingle back into the busy routines which life has to offer. As a Software Engineer, the journey is a very look forward respite from the general hectic life which is a part of us.

THERE IS LIGHT UP THE HILLS

In the midst of our deepest emotions, we see the world which twists and swirls,

And suddenly, we feel uneasy, clumsy, mingled in desires, tangled into curls,

For, we are human, and, to be or not to be is the question in our confused minds,

And we yearn for joy, happiness, grin, mirth, fun, bliss, ecstasy and all its kinds,



Relationships! The word is in the air, and yet the world is an abode of self seeking souls,

Every being, good or bad, sweet or rude runs the affairs race for definite clear goals,

The world, sometimes seems to be ageing into an abyss of cornered silt from the quicksand,

But we must find the tiny beam of seamless radiance, to soothe our EGO stand,



We live in times of wonder, our lives guided by small moments of satisfaction,

And we need the long forgotten strength; we have lost to the GOLDEN distraction,

The relations in our lives bring us out of fear, focused with tinge of scrutiny,

My MOM, My DAD, My BRO, My SIS, My WIFE, My FRIENDS…all make up my destiny,



And the bubble is made of LOVE and CARE, blowing up and glowing up our days,

“Give me people around me to take care and shower concern”, every one prays,

The sum of all conveniences in the world, can’t be matched with the peace,

Derived out of a drop of CARE, shown by a graceful soul, who a RELATION is!



So let’s promise, let’s put the effort to be a social creature for that is what is PARADISE,

Let’s recognize the joy that surrounds us, that’s a TRUE RELATION in disguise,

And eat away our worries, that make a whirlpool in moments, which make up a LIFETIME,

And then blow the trumpet death and raise the toast to SATAN, with a resounding chime,



To be or not to be is the question in our confused minds, and keeps us swirling in shrills,

In the windmills of our minds, the RELATIONSHIPS we make are running into stills,

When the core of deep abyss, brings in the fiery blaze and burns out into the night that kills,

Remember! Friends, far across the dunes of darkness, THERE IS LIGHT UP THE HILLS!

The BEST LIE

Mind, the Silent Terrain, let’s see what all it says,

From the core of deep abyss, come some twinkling rays,

It’s my genre; it comes and goes, till I reach my pyre,

And for the Mind, lever of control, is my own desire,



It’s all about a shaggy old, who strikes you off your bike,

And you cheer him, and beg pardon, “it’s my fault alright!”

Its raining-raining all the day, your love is waiting all your way,

“Study Time, Reading Room”, off the mind goes, to brighten up, your one day,



Your little boy who’s getting it all, coz he stole the chocolate,

The mind jumps in, to ease the tiny soul, “I ate I ate I ate”

The mother, with teary eyes, who lost her son in a battle,

Your mind intervenes, “He’s alive, and he’ll come back and build you a castle”



Your heart broken friend, who was betrayed, gives in a deep sigh,

“He’s there for you forever” and the mind takes you up in the sky.

The tired father in the old age home, whose son forgot about him,

“Your son sent you this money!” and his eyes are blessed with grin,



Manifestation of the mind, is a deep rooted, heartfelt LIE,

It just comes and off it goes, why not give it a try,

Cheer up somebody, make them smile, never say DIE!

The closure, which sets things right, is the BEST LIE!